The Joy Of Looking

It's beginning to look a lot like summer, actually it looked a lot like summer in January. Maybe it'd be more appropriate to say it's beginning to feel a lot like summer. The other day I woke up and it was pissing rain for the 5th or 6th consecutive day and I got on my bike and went about my daily-tasks, whistling along to my bike-tires splashing through puddles. Summer is a beautiful illusion, it's in the mind, not the skies.

There's a lot of excitement happening, big things are happening, lots of fun is being had.

Andrea and I celebrated 6 months with each other a couple weeks ago. We drove out to the beautiful Cowichan Bay region to partake in the 2nd annual prawn festival, which ended up being profoundly lame as a festival but still awesome as a day by the bay. We had some junk-food and walked around the romantic little sea-side town, then we drove into Genoa Bay which is a little speck of a town in an inlet in the Strait of Georgia. We went to the Genoa Bay Cafe for dinner, it's pretty much the only business in the town. We shared some mussels, Andrea had a seared chicken breast with yummy mashed potatoes and mushrooms and a pear jus and I had lamb-chops with risotto and chimi-churi. Strange but delicious combination.
















That's an image of the route to the remote town of Genoa Bay, followed by a picture of a floating-house in Genoa Bay.

Two weeks ago we ventured to Salt Spring Island and I practiced my new driving skills on the winding roads of the island. We checked out the Saturday market, then went to the Salt Spring Island Cheese farm to see the goats and sheep but the main-stars ended up being the adorable family of dogs that live on the farm and the cat that parks itself directly on the ashphalt of the walk-way to the farm who befriended Andrea. There were also two lambs that stole the show from the full-grown sheep and goats. I bought some surface-moulded/ripened soft goats cheese. We went for dinner before catching the ferry, Andrea ordered lamb which I thought was pretty hilarious considering she was swooning over them at the farm.























Andrea and the cat, me playing catch with one of the dogs, LAMB!

A few days ago we spontaneously went to Vancouver because my old-friend Nick was in town from Ottawa visiting another high-school friend, Tyler, who lives in Kelowna. We met for beers and then we called up our good good friend Katie who lives in downtown Vancouver and she came out with ANOTHER friend from high school, and some of Andrea's good friends came out too. We had a great time until around 2 or 3am when we realized we'd neglected to negotiate a place to sleep for the evening. We got in a cab and told him to take us to the cheapest hotel he knew of which ended up being a really really nice, quaint building called the Victorian Hotel. It was kind of a hotel/hostel on the grander scale of hostels. The bathrooms were shared but really nice, and the room was private and charming. The next day we went to the Granville market and ran into one of my ex-coworkers, Dawn, who now works for Osake sake on Granville. She gave me some Kasu which is the lees left over from fermented rice during the sake making process. I'm gonna use it to make An Pan which is An, a sweet bean paste stuffed into Pan, a sweet bread that looks like a burger bun. The kasu contains naturally occuring yeast and quite a bit of alcohol so I'm hoping the bread will rise without packaged yeast, we'll see.









Now the weekend is winding down and I have plenty more to look forward to for future adventures. My Dad and sister will be arriving here soon and I can't even imagine what we'll all get up to, when they leave I'll leave with them for a 2 week vacation across the plains of this great country, ending in Ottawa for a week's stay. Around the same time my great friend Robbie will hopefully be making his move to the Island and staying with me while finding his footing in the area. Very exciting!

Oh and I've been cooking unrelentlessly, I think I'm starting to get kind of good. Just a little bit...

Long Time Comin'

I think I'm beginning to represent some sort of image of a man...just wanted to get that out of the way. I never put much thought into what a man is, I know what a man is not and I know what holds one back from being a man and I definitely embody some of those characteristics. Ironically part of being a man is posturing which is exactly what prevents him from being everything he can be. Fear I guess. To begin to mold a man though is a process that preempts the posturing that fills in the cracks in the concrete once the statue is completed, and I'm still at that molding stage. Actually, quickly considering the men in my life, I'd have to say the statue never really sets at all. Life is an artistic process forever, always reflecting on oneself, doubt, refreshment, layering, forgetting the ugly and the true that once lay dominant on top the canvas.

Anyways, it's been a thought I've been considering for probably the last year or so. There's like this pride that you have to take in your decisions, to trust that for the harm they might do to others (or for the benefit too) that they are a reflection of who you truly truly are. And that's assuming that one knows precisely who they are, and not everyone does, but in my case I have a fairly good idea, and I'm being granted now in life the great opportunity to be long past cause, being in the midst of action and having a new morning at the crest of my life. I can look back now at the struggle of identifying myself and see the gifts that will come. That's what the shaping of a man feels like. Reflection, it's a whirlwind but it's calming too. Right now is like being the passenger in a storm.

The artistic force that's shaping me is obviously food. It's painful how gradual the process is. It's difficult too, to identify where I want to take it. How much is my career going to be dictated by industry? Will I be able to put myself in a position where I control my relationship with food? That's ultimately what I want. I want to seed and to pick fruit, to kill and skin and butcher, to ferment and to knead...I guess what I'm saying is I still have a dream of living independently, free from the chains that form the so called circle of industry and economy. But is it realistic? Will I be able to form a situation in which I own property and owe only to myself and my family coming from a background where I've already created not only a fiscal debt but a debt to a craft that never by nature allows perfection. It is an art-form after all and the only future that art breeds is a frustration that I don't think ever matures. You either burn out or fade away. I've already seen the son of the labour of food-industry and it's rarely an image that I want to one day be. That's for the future though. And in some way I am building towards that. My job here is very nurturing, probably the best I've ever had. The creative opportunities are excellent. It's almost like being in college again. The fridge is so big and the boundaries are so far out of reach. In 4 months I have moved through the company quickly which is part circumstance but also, and this is based only on evidence I've observed, not on anything anyone's told me, on passion. I am not a skilled cook, not yet, technical precision is a long loooooong way away, but the passion in me to acquire precision I think is clear to some of the decision makers at the hotel. I was recently offered a position in dinners, two of the current dinner cooks are returning to their studies for 6 weeks and after spending about a month in banquets, and then breakfasts, and then a brief stint on lunches I'm moving to the near pinnacle of it. It's really exciting. To be blunt, the people I cooked with on breakfasts and lunches were discouraging. I served food I didn't wanna serve because I had to, on dinner the circumstances are completely opposite. There is no buffet, there are no 30 year veterans who cook now relying on habits instead of their senses, there's intelligence and stimuli, I'm stoked.

I'm being molded now by a new friend too. She's really good to me and I'm trying to be good to her too. But the last month has been difficult. My patience and energy are really low. Early in the month I left work with a migraine that was beyond description. I thought there was something very wrong with me. It lasted 2 days. After that went away I woke up with a sore back, which over the course of 4 days escalated into an inability to stand-up straight at work. More than once I was reduced to finding a quiet corner and doing squats against the wall in an attempt to straighten my spine. After that healed itself I was stricken with a group of kankers that made kissing my new friend painful and unpleasant. That's gross, I know, but people who know me well know that I have a history with kankers, I'm just prone to bad break-outs. On Friday I found out I'd been briefly layed off from work, it's only for a week but that is a serious damper to my life-style. And finally, I've been diagnosed with mono, so if I've kissed you recently you might wanna consider gettin' your blood checked...it's been a bit of a rough month friends, a bit rough. But hey, at least I've got the time now to sit here and write this. And back to what I was saying, my woman is a good woman. She's strong, smart and her heart is bound to her with love. She has a great deal of respect for humans but she knows them enough not to trust them, she's great. She brought me soup and orange-juice last night. She'll kill me but below is a picture of us at her birthday, you're welcome Mom. Our other friend in the photo is a Korean exchange-student who was for real the life of the party with hilarious jokes.











This is a picture of myself, Ben, who I guess has an issue with my odour, and Robbie. My friend posted it on Facebook yesterday. Sometimes you see glimpses of your past that you don't expect to be reminded of...it's one of the nicer surprises in life. I really like this photo because at this time in my life I had resolved some personal conflicts and had decided to stay in BC once I'd returned to attend graduation. I miss these fools so much. Two of the best dudes I've ever known, and I've known some really good ones...but these dudes, they're real. Such real dudes.













I could go on but I should save some for another chapter which at the rate I've been writing won't be posted for another year.

Days and Months and Years Ago

Some may not have even known that 2 months ago I was leaving the grand West to supposedly return permanently to Ottawa. I was in, it's true, and then I was out, like a tide. It's hard to believe what's happened between me sitting in this internet cafe in downtown Victoria right now, and working at Sweetgrass Bistro in Ottawa 2 months ago. Some may not have even known I was there.

It's actually hard to believe what I've gone through in 2 years. I can't remember the things that might be very memorable to most people that have occurred to me in the last 2 months. What have I forgotten that's happened in the last 2 years? Maybe it's time to start keeping a journal. 2 months ago I spent a horrific 8 hours at Sweetgrass Bistro trying out for an entry-level cook's position. It was hot, I sweat a lot, I almost walked out, I cooked some terrible food and I got the job. The following couple of weeks were a blur, I drank and laughed away most of my very slim free-time and it was totally great, how proud I was, but I hated the job so I left.

18 days ago I moved back to British Columbia, 5 days ago I started at the Hotel Grand Pacific in downtown Victoria. There was and is no plan, only an idea. There was a time when I abhorred banquet cooking, now I really enjoy it. I'm getting a real fire for cooking right now, it's terrific. It becomes something very rare. I think a lot of people probably don't ever experience real adrenaline. When energy is gone and only adrenaline exists. When adrenaline and terror are flowing at the same time, and when everything goes right it's followed by this flood of triumph...that's really amazing. That's why cooks work ridiculous hours, not because they have to, but because they love that feeling more than anything.

This is where I work.














2 days ago I moved into an apartment. It's the first apartment I have ever had owned occupancy of. I don't own it, but I own the lease, I own everything in there that wasn't there when I arrived. It's the first time I've owned anything in my home other than the food on my allotted fridge-shelf. It's a good feeling. To be able to express yourself through your home is something I didn't know existed. I can't wait to get settled in and have some dinner-guests. I've got plans for my kitchen, pickled beets and asparagus, preserved sauces and freshly caught shell-fish, home-made cured meats, dried wild mushrooms. I have visions of shelves adorned with colourful mason-jars.

But where there's independence there's isolation. Friends and family have definitely been kind with their time since I've arrived, there hasn't been a day without a shared meal or a movie or a visit to the bar but now that I'm living alone I anticipate that being a little different. Which is good, that's what I came here for. To escape old abusive routine and to find new nurturing routine.

There were times outside of routine in my visit to Ontario. The best beer I've ever had at the Wellington Gastropub (True North Strong Ale, try to find it), a very memorable trip to a friend's cottage involving canoeing through rapids and cliff-diving into a lake, rescuing dying friendships, rescuing dying friends, and discovering the magic of Harry Nilsson via hours-long trips on OC Transpo. But there's no poetry in Ottawa, it's like a good plot with a bad execution. All the ingredients are there but it never really comes together.

Now I am going to unchain my newly acquired bicycle, go to ValueVillage to get all kinds of crap for my new place, and spend a well-deserved night in peace.

Juin Bleu

Taking a day off in beautiful Nanaimo, B.C. Sitting on the patio couch, 11am, drinking coffee and listening to Jeff Beck and Rod Stewart wail away. Many adventures passed in the last month, where winter brings a necessity to entertain ones self via drink and dance, summer brings rebirth of the body and soul. Where to start?

So the new house is amazing, I really do miss residence a lot, living with the Frenchies and Todd was probably really suitable for a winter lifestyle. We drank and we laughed like boys do, now it's summer and I'm in a healthier kind of home. Many special dinners have gone down on the patio and I've only been here a month. On Friday night I made perogies using a recipe that is simply flour and sour-cream, kneaded and incorporated until a pasta dough consistency is achieved. I filled half of them with mashed yam and the other half with fried ground pork, but I mixed the pork fat into the yam mash and didn't tell anyone. Like a true Ukrainian. Swimming adventures are already happening, the dam is cold as hell but I've been in twice, first time I fully rescued a drowning friend. Apparently I've saved a life now, sweet. I also apparently look like a full-blown Californian surfer, I'm about 2 shades of brown away from being a legitimate middle-Eastern immigrant.

Adventures to Salt Spring are in gear, spontaneously went camping a couple or three weeks ago. Had some 95 proof moonshine, tasted like rubbing alcohol.













But this weekend was the number one hit parade so far. On Friday I made perogies, played crib (yeah I learned, Sproules, watch out for me, comin' up), and just hung out with the usual troop of passersby that find themselves here.

On Saturday morning (holy crap there's a spider somewhere on me right now and it's gonna bite me) I woke up bright and shiny and shaved, met Todd and my friend pirate-Steve and drove to Victoria and I hit the streets with a pile of resumes in my satchel. I visited many of the Victoria hotspots, Cafe Brio, L'Ecole Brasserie, Camille's...I met a lot of cool people and had a lot of nice, genuine conversations. It's amazing the collective personality on the island, this island belongs in the Caribbean or Mediterranean, people here are tooooo cool and easy.

After I finished job-hunting (wandered the city for 7 hours, brutally hot) I walked to Ogden's Point wharf in downtown Victoria. I was meeting Hasi, the cruise-ship he works on was docking in Vic for 6 hours. Hasi arranged a personal tour of the ship's kitchens and restaurants for me. It was truly humbling and incredible. The ship had large separate rooms for processing different categories of meat, it had half a dozen (or more) full-sized kitchens all for different restaurants, whole departments allowed only one-way traffic so as to discourage outbreaks via contamination (ie. only dirty comes in, only clean leaves), it was all stainless steel and absolutely impeccably spotless. After the tour, the food and beverage manager gave me a copy of all the ship's menus plus a list of their weekly passenger consumption which I assure you was horrendous and disturbing. He arranged a free dinner for Hasi and myself. I had a nicely cooked shrimp cocktail, a smoked salmon pate sort of thing, and a massive 12oz. ribeye roast steak with real jus! I also had a screwdriver and white Russian and a dessert tapas. It was an incredible experience, I feel really lucky to have seen that, and visiting with Hasi was enriching and revitalizing as it always is.

Around 10:30pm I began my next trek to Royal Hill Park to Donna Ashford's house. I got to the general area and tried finding her house but I'd misheard the address on the phone and spent 20 minutes walking back and forth on her street looking for a house that didn't exist. We sorted out the confusion and had a short visit, everyone was healthy and happy, new home is very beautiful.

Around 7am the next morning, every one got up and Donna and Guthrie drove me right downtown where I was picked up by Jenn, Taryn and Angelo, all friends from class. We drove to the incredible Fort Rodd Hill which is a retired fort turned museum/park. There was a large food-festival happening in behalf of the Island's Chef Collaborative. It was seriously incredible, reps and chefs were present from tons of local farms, wineries, breweries and of course restaurants. I tasted countless types of beer, wine, ciders and even a really weird gin flavoured with licorice aromatics. I ate SO much, I had a portobello mushroom burger, lamb sausage, oysters on the half-shell, grilled tuna albacore sandwiches, bouillabase with octopus, lavender shortbread, and all sorts more. The gin was by far the most intriguing and provocative taster present.

So now, with good reason, I am lounging in the sun and basking in the good fortune that was this weekend, if I went into more detail I could fully explain the karma that landed dumbly in my lap in Victoria but this is long enough as it is.

Good day every one, enjoy June.

Memory Sick and the Swine

Shadows of a past self are wandering into my life here. I spent the last 10 months living with three guys my age, sharing a home distilled of any personality. Forest green couches, tan walls, calming blue sofas, desks and cupboards of wallpaper wood, every room the same, every room matching perfectly. Set to a tone of unassuming. Now I'm here in my 6' by 10' room, half of the space occupied by a bed, a tiny dresser and a book-shelf that's so thin it might as well be built into the wall. The kitchen is littered with doodles and notes from the past, the house is like a picturebook with it's pages of history everywhere. It's like being back in Ben's place, everywhere there's evidence of the humanity and friendship that's grown inside, in res there's only the mystery of who else has slept in the bed you sleep in every night.

My roommates are two sisters around my age but there's always a group of stragglers around. All of these people I've met have had me wondering about the pieces of me that are scattered everywhere. I've shed a lot of skin in a lot of places, I wonder how healthy that is. Am I stretching myself thin across the places I've been and among the people I've met? Or am I becoming a bigger man with all I've eaten and seen? I don't know, sometimes it feels like I haven't learned or grown a lot at all and that if I stop searching and soaking I might run out of time to figure it all out.

I wanted to take some photos of the new house but my camera is broken, the best I got was this photo of me on our patio. We have a nice barbecue on the patio, and a couch too. This is me sitting on the couch after getting showered in the rain. My sweater is currently hanging up and actually dripping onto the floor.













This is the night me and the Frenchies tried to catch crab for dinner, we had Wendys instead. Fatih, Nicolas, me, Lucas, Todd, and the adopted roommate, Asher.













I've been working a lot at a restaurant called The Lighthouse Bistro, it's fast fun job, but the nights are late and it's turning me into what I was when I worked 70 hours a week before moving here. I'm also having a lot of barbecues, skating too much (body is currently covered in burns, scrapes, roadrash and a pretty sweet tan), and trying to focus on being a cook. I've been trying to up the ante at school with varying success. Oh I've also been dabbling in wading in profound confusion about the current direction of my life. Sometimes having choices is more restricting and frustrating than it is liberating.

The old man and sister Sproule are making their way out in September, I'm pretty excited. I'm probably gonna hitch a ride back to Ottawa for a visit.

I won a free lunch on Friday by diving into the ocean. There IS a such thing as a free lunch.

I sort of always thought I'd never be where I am, I didn't think I'd ever graduate from something or complete something. In a month and a half I'll have reached a goal, probably for the first time in my life. Even with everything that's going on, I am craving some serious changes, it must be spring.

I might have been the first Canadian swine victim.

"I Caught Crabs In Nanaimo"

Today has truly been the ultimate day. I woke up only mildly hungover and watched Clueless, a true underrated classic of my generation. Then I left the house, which is my home only for 2 or 3 weeks more, and went skateboarding aaaaaall day. I just noticed that my arms and face are beet red from all the sun I've gotten in the past 3 days because the weather has been unreal and I've been outside as much as possible. When I got home from skateboarding today I sat down just in time to catch The Goonies, not an underrated classic but a genuine classic, and after The Goonies AMC reeled straight into Raiders Of The Last Ark, no commercials! My life seriously rules.

So in between being a complete bum and skate-rat I've actually been ridiculously productive. Last month I became incredibly sick, I went out on a Friday night and when I woke up on Saturday my body was unusually sore, by Saturday night I was in full-blown flu mode. I'm talking can't get out of bed waking up in a cold-sweat haven't eaten in 3 days full-blown flu. To make matters worse I'd picked up what I thought might be pneumonia but was diagnosed as a lung viral infection. I was coughing so violently and so often that I somehow tore open my sinuses or whatever and was spitting up/blowing out mucus-blood constantly. Not just watery spit blood, oh no, more the consistency of half-dried paint and the colour of...blood. This illness resulted in me missing 2 days of class, but it could have been 5 if that wouldn't have resulted in me failing. The cold was fierce and persistent for 6 days and on the 7th I felt the turning point, at the worst of it I physically could not speak. So in addition to the 2 days there was 1 additional absence from the Mexico trip plus 1 tardiness in the month of March. Anyone else would have failed from the docked marks but I got my monthly mark the other day and I passed with an 81%. He also gave me an 86% on a vegetarian plating that was a near disaster. I cooked it while in the middle of the flu because I had no choice and an hour in I almost walked out of the kitchen because it was going so badly.

There's been a lot of productivity in my life outside school. I found a really beautiful room for rent just down the street, it's in the home of 2 charming young girls, they like to bake and they're environmentalists and they're into geology and all kinds of cool stuff. Today I ran into one of them at a protest for cleaner rivers. The rent is fair and the location is ultimate and the room is ridiculously small just how I like it. I've gotten myself 2 jobs, the first is a legit job in a busy bistro that floats off the pier downtown. Gonna cook there 2 nights a week and when I graduate they're gonna give me 5, plus the chef and sous-chef are certified which means I can clock the apprentice hours I need to graduate this year. The 2nd job is kind of a BS job in a hotel, it's called "casual" which means I only work when they need me.

On Thursday I met my friends Brodie, Lewis and Steve down at one of the piers downtown, my friend Taylor was with me. The plan was to catch 5 crabs, bring 'em to my place and have a BBQ, but it took too long to catch 5 legit ones (plus there was an unscheduled break at the pub) so we just boiled them. We had a close encounter with a couple seals and also a kind of intimidatingly close-encounter with a big old bald-eagle. The eagle in this photo was about 10' away from us, Brodie threw some bait in the air and it made an amazing dive-catch with it's kick-ass talons. So amazing. Brodie joked that an eagle's thoughts at all times must be "damn I rule, I am the coolest".










































Clockwise: Me, Lewis the ginger, Taylor, master-chef Brodie, and Ottawa-Steve who's been to Ottawa so I'll call him Ottawa-Steve.

A few weeks ago Kassie and I went to Vancouver fairly spontaneously, we got there at 10:30pm and met my cousin Alex and partied all night. We went to the weirdest house-party I've ever been to, it was in some kind of abandoned office-building but the building looked like it hadn't seen activity in 50 years, for real. It was kind of crazy. Alex is the best, so amazingly hospitable. Kassie and I got home after he'd gone to bed and we were soooo disruptive, he reprimanded our poor showmanship by being a perfect gentleman. I didn't see Katie Swinwood which was horrible but there isn't much separating us so that's OK, plus I think I'm moving to Vancouver in September when the tourist season ends in Nanaimo.

I'm way too full of energy lately, God love summer in B.C...so damn good for the soul. God love Indiana Jones too...and hell, God love finding fiery orange tie-dyed Neil Young And Crazy Horse tour t-shirts at Value Village.

No new tattoos to report.

East, South, North, West

Two or three weeks ago my friend Kassie texted me early in the morn' asking if I wanted to go for a ride to Victoria, in my boredom I promptly answered "When do we leave?!". She didn't respond all day and I figured it was because she left without me which would have been very unlike Kassie. I was mad though and went downtown to sink my misery with a falafel platter at The Thirsty Camel (best falafels ever). On the way home I got a text from Kassie that said "I just saw you, come to my work". So she was working the whole time. I made some quick calls and she gave me a ride to downtown Victoria, Johnson and Douglas. We went our seperate ways, her driving in one direction, me getting out of the car and wandering down the street in another direction. My destination was Il Terrazo where an old friend, Ali, worked. Ali and I know each other from crazy hazy Perth days. At Il Terrazo she cooked for me, I ate, we drank and then we left to bus to her boyfriend's work. We drank some more, then we cabbed 15 or 20 minutes into Sooke, THEN we walked 45 minutes further into Sooke and finally arrived at her lovely house in the country. We stayed up all night drinking, Ali made beautiful music and we all slept on her living-room floor and the next morning we hitchhiked back downtown. I rode in the back of an open truck, so fun.

I decided I like Sooke. A chef at school recently encouraged me to apply at the Sooke Harbour House. Sooke Harbour House is a very cool resort, the onsite restaurant operates as organically as a restaurant can, growing their own produce on site and changing the menu regularly to encourage freshness. You all know where this is going. If I get the position the likelihood of me returning to VIU for the second year is not very likelihood at all.

Looking for a place for rent for March plus still looking for a job, Nanaimo is beautiful, but weak, very weak. The economy here is like a delicious salted cracker.

I went to Mexico on the weekend for my Mom's wedding. It was really nice, congratulations Glenn and Tracy McDougall.


















My trip was a little bit zany but ultimately really smooth and painless, except for my left ear which is still echoing from the plane descent. I took a flight out of Nanaimo to Vancouver where I met up with Alex, we had a little food and chatted it up really quick and he kindly got me back to the airport just in time to board, very comfy. From there I flew to Toronto, I slept most of it I think, I had a quick layover and took off to Cancun. I arrived there at 2pm and was at the resort by 3pm, and the wedding started at 4pm. So that was kinda bewildering in my state of mind but I manned through it, for about 6 hours and then I passed out like not so much of a man. The next day we went to Xel Ha which is a cool snorkeling park, you rent some gear and then just slide into this lagoon and check out all the colourful fishies. There was a jumping cliff and a lazy river. That night we went to a restaurant on the resort and I had swordfish carpaccio which was not carpaccio 'cause it was cooked, served with diced watermelon and a balsamic reduction. I had a green apple crab bisque that was really nice, and then I had a suuuuuuuper delicious tuna filet steamed inside a banana-leaf served with some orange and ginger spongecake, so amazing. I had chocolate mousse and a white Russian for dessert, then Emily and Greg and a bunch of my mom's friends got drunk in the calm of the ocean breeze. On Sunday I left. I don't wanna talk about my trip back 'cause it started horribly, but ended with running into a friend on the ferry and sharing a sunny afternoon being calmly rocked back and forth by mother ocean.













...I got another tattoo. No one likes my knife but everyone likes this new one, I like them both so eff you world, eff, you.

New Ink

I've been taking school really seriously.

A couple weeks ago I went to Tofino with my friend Asher. In addition to me buying a super cool t-shirt, we went to the ocean. We both ran in but I couldn't take the cold and ran back out 10 seconds later, Asher stayed in, crazy son of a bitch. After that I ate a baguette and some baba ghanoush, then we went to a different, prettier beach and kind of went our separate ways for a few minutes, staring at the sun burning the piles of dusty old leaves in our minds. It was an amazing day, the weather was our friend.

School has been off and on as usual. I got called out by one of my chefs this week, he told me my focus was slipping and that I was disappointing him. He was right, my mind has been focused on one particular thing lately which fortunately is now resolved and done with. His words reawakened me and I think I'll be able to ride that for a little while until inspiration fails again. On Friday the senior students in our program graduated, our 2nd semester begins on Monday which means that I am now a senior...which is actually completely insignificant, save for the fact that there's a new intake of students which is gonna be fun. Initiation season. It's gonna be really hard showing up next week and not seeing half of the people I've worked closely with for the last 5 months.

I'm staying in Nanaimo this summer, there isn't a lot for me in Ottawa. No Magy, friends have all left or are leaving. I actually can't imagine ever living in Ottawa again.

I started applying for jobs this week just so I'd have something to do in my off time and to help me focus on cooking. The town's a little dry right now, a lot of businesses are going under, no one's hiring, but I'll find something. The local independent skateshop just went under, a real a bummer.

Last weekend I went to Vancouver for 2 days and a night to visit Alex Dow who just moved there with his girlfriend. It was amazing, I won't go into the lurid details for censorship sake but there was consumption a-plenty in the most healthy and happiest kind of way. I went with my friend Kassie, it was smiles and sunshine practically the whole time, the weather turned a little the day we left but it was still nice. Alex's girlfriend is amazing, she had me laughing the whole time. I also made a 2am rendezvous with Katie Swinwood, the poor girl stayed up waiting for me to get my drunk-ass over there, then when she came outside to let me in she locked us both out of her apartment. We got in and it was great to see her even if only for 15 minutes. She's truly in a world of her own, I've always liked her 'cause from the moment I met her I sensed the old-soul sensibility that I cherish in myself emanating from her. That's a rare and lovable characteristic. Completely real, probably the realest person I've ever known.

Today I woke up very early, after coming home very late and very drunk. I walked downtown and had an amazing breakfast then went to the pier to listen to Neil Young and clear my head, I decided I would get tattooed. So I came home and woke up Asher who was passed out on my living-room floor (he showed up pounding on the door at 3:30am after I accidentally abandoned him at the club, I'm the worst friend ever). We got in his honky-tonk old truck, put on our shades and some CCR and made our way to the parlour. Welcome to the family tattoo #3, already tinkering with some ideas for #4.













It's exactly what I had in mind, I'm very very pleased with it.

In 27 days I'll be in Mexico, and in 29 days I'll be back in Nanaimo. How bizarre.

Home Sweet Bitter Cold Home

Yesterday morning a campus security-guard told me that Nanaimo set the national record for snowfall so far this year. Winter just has it out for me, last year it was Ottawa's dramatic, amazingly long winter, and now it's Nanaimo.

So I should write about Christmas break. My trip home was hilariously horrible. I threw out my back, ran out of money, slept on 3 of the most uncomfortable benches I've ever sat in, spent a total of about 15 hours in layover, missed 3 Greyhound buses, went into near delirium taking muscle-relaxants, ate A&W, yelled at a potentially "slow" Greyhound attendant, lost my luggage, found my luggage...total trip time was 27 hours from walking out my front-door and into my mom's car at the Greyhound terminal in Ottawa.














That's the Kinach Christmas Eve kiddie-table. The only person I'm actually related to in that photo is the wino at the bottom right, lil' sister Sproule. Clockwise from her is her boyfriend Greg, some really cool dude beside him, Alex beside him, Adam (my cousin-in-law) beside his girlfriend Alex, Ally, Adam's brother Sean beside his girlfriend Ally and back to my sibling in sin.

The next morning I made breakfast for Mom and the gang, classical hollandaise over eggs-benedict.

I also spent some time in Perth getting up to no good with the Sproule side of me which was really nice.

On New Years Eve I went to a friend's house and got tipsied and then stumbled onto the Greyhound around 12:15AM to head to Toronto, the trip back was really smooth but still long. When I got to the Horseshoe Bay ferry-terminal in Vancouver I called my Dad and while I was talking to him I saw some blurry-faced stranger smiling at me, her face was blurry 'cause I'd been awake for about 20 hours and couldn't focus on the nose between my eyes. Turns out it was my friend Jill from campus, we shared a cab into town with her boyfriend and some Indian lady, I think I got the raw end of the deal, they pitched me $14 between the 3 of them but as the last person off I payed the tab and it was $30 with tip. The driver was using GPS to find our respective places but I think he was giving us the round-about. Jill's boyfriend was giving him lip, he told the driver to throw his GPS out the window.

This is really boring, I felt obligated to write about my trip but I don't really wanna relive it.

I grew my beard back, coming in pretty nice...just in time for my cowboy costume for this Friday's "Cops and Robbers Party".

Oh also, I got a cellphone yesterday, my number is 250-797-2006.



One love.

Hunter S. Cat

Hunter S. Cat was a good man. When I went through puberty I outgrew my bed in about 3 months, spurting from a stalky 4' to a gangly and awkward 6'. Hunter's favourite hobby was to wait and prey at the end of my bed and when he saw my hairy overgrown toes dangling over the edge, probably resembling a family of mice, he would make his attack. I guess I'm just happy he got to spend the last couple years of his life outside of the dank smokey apartment in Ottawa, hunting real mice in my Dad's driveway in Perth.

When my Dad, sister, and myself moved from Kilborn in Ottawa to the nearby apartment on Palm St., Hunter was in the midst of some lonely journey into the inner-sanctums of the cat-mind and the cat-wilderness. We were forced to leave him behind but a couple months later my sister went back to Kilborn and put up posters looking for Hunter, I was pessimistic about it all. The next day the new tenants of our old-house called us to ask us to come pick up Hunter, who had shown up tattered and weary, bleeding from the leg. From that point on he assumed some sort of bizarre human-like charisma similiar to a loving, kind old man who knows just where he belongs.

God dammit Hunter, couldn't you have just waited a couple more weeks...fuck's sake.

I leave on Wednesday the 17th, the trip is gonna suck the big one. Got a 7 hour layover in Toronto, yay. How many Greyhound station floors have I slept on? I often wonder if I'll ever buy a car or if I'm just destined to live like this forever.

Mag and I are splitsville, my weak will fell...these things are meant to be I guess...20 year olds don't belong in long-distance relationships.

I have zero passion for cooking right now, good thing it's my destiny to be a cook or I'd probably pack in my bags at this point.

I have an unappeasable hunger to be in San Francisco after seeing it's glory last February. I can't stop thinking about it.

I Wish I Was Homeward Bound

The other day I learned that the quinoa-seed is a complete protein source, I find that amazing, I don't know why. No more than 2 months ago I was taught that the only way to obtain a complete protein source from a single ingredient was from meat but oh no, false...quinoa! I just bought some. Cooked it with ginger and then poured onion and acorn-squash drippings with honey all over it. Thanks for the loan Mom, bet you're glad I'm blowing it all on exotic ingredients for my selfish-self, and not Christmas gifts..

I also just bought this cool book called Local Bread. I have a feeling that my involvement in baking may at some point surpass my involvement in traditional cooking. Everyone should bake bread, the human-race would be at a better place if everyone took the time to bake their own bread. I sincerely mean that. It's probably the most therapeutic and remedial thing I've ever done.

Anyways enough nonsense, the eve of my loves return is nigh. There are six more sleeps until Mag gets on her very first ever plane and flies half way across the globe. I don't even know what to say about that. It's pretty surreal...it kind of feels like sleeping for the first time. To be at a final rest after a life of unending labour...except it's not final, we have to repeat the whole process come January. She actually has a bit of an adventure ahead of her after getting off the plane. She's gotta drive, ferry and walk her way to meet me on campus after I get off class on Wednesday.. It's bittersweet but less bittersweet than it was the day we met...meeting and knowing that a rainy day in August when she'd leave would eventually come...and now knowing that finally, a sunny day in April will soon bring us together again. December is gonna be heaven though, I truly can't wait to go home. It's sick but the thing I'm looking forward to 2nd most to cuddling with Mag and watching movies at home here, is cuddling with Mag and watching movies at home in Ottawa after raiding my Mom's chip-pantry.

I miss a lot of things. I really miss Ben's house. What a phenomenal place that was, I took it for granted, I could have learned a lot more there and participated in some pretty amazing things but at least I got some good friends out of it. Compared to my living-situation now...well the comparison doesn't need to be made for anyone who ever visited Ben's home. I miss Mike and Robbie and Gordon and Trevor so much. I don't think I've laughed half as hard once while here than I laughed on a regular old day hanging out with Mike in Ottawa. I really miss scooting around downtown Ottawa with Nick. There was one day when I was working at the Ottawa Marriott where Nick and Matt Morrow came down and met me after work around 11pm and we just shredded all around these abandoned buildings and streets on a dark Monday night...those times were the best. Or the back of Marty's van with Nick, Rob and Ty...oh lord. God, I even miss OC Transpo. Anyone who has tried to use public-transpo to get around on a Sunday in Nanaimo will NEVER bitch about OC Transpo again.

I took some photos of my hands today, Mag tells me she loves my hands...by most standards I guess this is considered pretty disgusting for someone who handles food for a living but they're clean...this is just what they look like. I like them to look this way, I pounce at most opportunities to handle root and bulb vegetables, to have hands like this is a trophy to me and I don't care how "unkempt" it looks. Years of griptape wear, beet juice, celeriac dirt, a dismembered fingernail, the remains of an old rust-wound infection. One day these hands will remind me that I mostly worked for what I received.

Now Accepting Donations

In British Columbia, and maybe some other provinces of advanced pleasure, Remembrance Day is some sort of day of leisure. When I found out that Tuesday is some twisted holiday I was confused, and then I was elated with potential, and then I was excited, but then I was anxious and I've never really enjoyed anxiety. The idea of being excited for something that's yet to come...I don't know, it's unsettling...like quicksand. Anyways, the big-wigs at the Culinary Institute of Vancouver Island decided that rather than cause the students extra stress by breaking up our work-week right in mid-stream, they'd just give us Monday off too. Does a salmon turn around mid-stream when the current gets too strong? Hell no. Did that make sense? Not in the slightest.

The weekend has been very rejuvenating, very rejuvenating. On Friday, after class, I packed my belongings into my luggage-satchel and headed South to beautiful downtown Victoria to meet my old friend Hasi Eldib. Hasi and I have been friends since grade 6, he is actually one of my first school-friends from Ottawa after moving there from Rockland. Hasi is high on life, he is one of those rare folks who just dig it. He's not in it for anything, he's just living it. I don't think he's trying to prove anything, he just wants to do his thing. He used to be a jerk, he's almost killed/paralyzed most of his oldest friends in wrestling stunts gone awry. Somewhere on the road he turned that homicidal energy into pure love extract. I think he just loves life. I met Hasi at the hotel he was staying at, we talked for awhile then went to the Swans Hotel for a pretty nice pub-style meal. The menu wasn't the best but it was well-prepared and piping-hot and to me that's more important than the ingredients used. We had some beer and talked a lot then went back to the hotel. Hasi left early, 4:30am, to catch a flight. I got up at 5am probably out of habit. I took this photo and then headed out and wandered the streets. Waking up before dawn has it's benefits my friends, try it some time.



I ended up buying some shoes. I'm totally broke but dammit, what skater can resist $50 shoes? That's a third of what I would have payed in Ottawa 5 years ago.

I took the Greyhound home around 'noon. I ate a bag of wine gums and chased them with a bag of M&M peanuts. When I got home I had the worst stomach-ache I've ever had in my entire life. I thought something had ruptured, no joke. Maybe the 5Alive reacted with the peanuts creating a strange-brew in my strange-belly.

Today I got groceries, Sunday buses here are pathetic. I walked home carrying close to my body-weight in cans of beans and various 4lb. squashes and tubers. I have a bad history cooking potatoes so I'm gonna get some practice in. I also made the dough for this wild rye-bread. It's got a ton of molasses in it, the kitchen smells like melted leather. It's got all kinds of seeds in it, fennel and anise and a few more. Letting it proof right now, can't wait to get that beauty baked off. I'm so stoked I might go preheat the oven right now! Sometimes I think my life is akin to a rollercoaster ride.



Mag might be coming here early, if she does the countdown is 24ish days. Wow, what a strange 3 months. Never thought I'd do something like that in my life.

Forecast for tomorrow is 100degrees of shredding the shred-stick. Gotta love not having winter and skateboarding in November.

Listen to Steve Miller...now!

Novella from Nanaimo No. 13

I'm sitting here looking at my own signature on an agreement for a new room I'm moving into in January. The S at the beginning of my last name is a J...gotta put that on my list of things to do, "#9 - Fix the J in my signature."

I went to Salt Spring Island this weekend. Took the ferry from Crofton to Vesuvius Bay, it's a 20 minute ride, $7 to walk on, free on the way back.



We went straight to a church function. My inner dialogue was rattling through questions. Do I take off my hat? Do I bow to the priest? When is the appropriate time to scream "HALLELUJAH!"? It took all of my self-control not to use the name "Jesus Christ" to express feelings of anger or frustration. Once inside I realized I was in a key situation to score loads of candy. It wasn't really a religious function, more of a Halloween function...ironically, Halloween is a Pagan holiday. From the church we went to downtown Ganges. Dad, if you're reading this...I saw Chris at the firehouse and I tried to ask him how he was getting home. He told me Val was picking him up but I couldn't get an answer on when. He didn't remember me but he still looked happy to see me, no surprises there. I should have called her but as usual, I was on someone else's schedule so it didn't happen. To readers other than my Dad, Val is the old man's first-wife. Her and her husband run an equal-living shared housing unit for autistic people out of their home, Chris is one of them. He's a large, very happy and expressive young man. He volunteers at the fire-station.

We weren't downtown long before we retired to Asher's Dad's house. It was a hand-built custom home as many on Salt Spring seem to be. The next morning Asher's Dad had us hauling wood for a couple hours, this is what we got done. Not bad if you ask me. What do I know about hauling wood though?



After that everyone showered and ate and we headed off to Salt Spring Island Cheese Company (http://www.saltspringcheese.com/). I spent $24 on cheese, a white truffle goat cheese, lemon goat cheese, and garlic goat cheese. I shared the truffle one with my French roommates since the truffles were imported from France. After the cheese company we went on a hike and saw some cool mushrooms, here is a blurry variety of mushroom.



After the hike I got on the ferry, dirty and spoiled and hungry. I thought I saw a whale but it was probably a large seal. I had to hitchhike home, it actually took less than 2 hours...not bad. When I got into Nanaimo I was dropped off at the bottom of town and on the hike upward I got caught in one of the craziest rainstorms. There was no lightning but it was one of those storms that makes you feel like you're standing fully dressed inside your shower. If I'd been outside for 10 seconds I would have been thoroughly soaked...but I was in the middle of it for a good 15 minutes. It was great. Hallelujah!

I was pretty stressed last week 'cause somehow I let a bunch of important priorities mold like putty in my mind. At the end of the week I dedicated 2 days to getting them done. In doing so I decided to move from my current room, I'll save lots of money next semester and have a better view too. I also did some arranging of my loan...arrangements, and discovered that I have an untapped bursary coming to me in January. Not too shabby. I should be getting a pirate-loot sized tax-return, so, well, I'll be eating a lot more imported white truffles.

I talked to my a la carte chef from last month on Friday. My time in his class ended a week ago but he had some very kind words for me. In addition to getting 102% on a math-test in his class, and a 91% overall, he correctly predicted that he thought I'd be well suited for bistro cooking. I told him about how I got fired from a hotel mostly because I hated working there. He said he thinks I have a good sense of taste. Anyways it was a really nice conversation. On Christmas break I plan on going to meet chefs at Benitz and Sweetgrass and a couple other popular Ottawa bistros to talk about apprenticeships. I have also decided to complete my education here, instead of switching schools for 2nd year like I originally planned. Just makes sense.

I have to go study poultry and seafood now. Did you know that frogs are classified as poultry in the culinaire world? Yup.

Listen to Bill Withers.

An Amuse Bouche

Last night I went to my friend Taylor's grandparent's house for Thanksgiving dinner, it was pretty special. We drove to this area called Lantzville where they lived. It was so picturesque. Picket-fences, stone lawns, horses in the yard. What's weird is that it was a 5 minute drive from the biggest most hideous mall in the city, and here were Taylor's British grandparents tucked away in the faux English countryside. His grandmum, Brenda, was telling me that almost all of the food, including the turkey and lamb, was homegrown. The herbs, the veg, the edible flowers in the salad, the salad itself! The turkey had been grown and slaughtered by their neighbours, the neighbours had thanked the turkey for giving it's life before they lopped it's head off. Same with the lamb. It was unreal. I spent a lot of time talking with Brenda, she moved to Canada during the IRA riots in the 70s. She was a nurse and saw some wild stuff, she described a scene involving some Irish protesters shacked up in an abandoned building giving birth to a baby, on their own, and Brenda arriving to see the baby still attached by the placenta or whatever. Brenda invited me to come back and work in her garden. Definitely gonna pursue that.

Here is a bread that I made for the dinner, as well as a jar of strawberry jam. I'm addicted to collecting these Classico jars. I boil the labels off. My roommate eats a lot of it, I have five jars, I think. I actually bought some sauce once just so I could have the jar. Is that wrong? Whatever, don't judge me!

We had this dinner at school on Thursday, it was called a Sensory Tasting and I guess the idea was to give the students an education in fine-dining, which fork to use first kinda thing. Every single student I've talked to told me things like "the dinner was alright" or if I asked if they were excited..."nah, I'd rather be in bed".

Here are just some of the menu-items: salmon ballotine with scallop and lobster lentil salad, handmade caramelized onion tortellini in a duck consomme, hazelnut crusted sweetbreads (Google 'sweetbread' if you don't know what it is) with mushroom risotto, braised lamb shanks and grilled lamb-rack with couscous, and a chocolate orange brownie cake. Now, it was my first time trying most of these foods. I was damn excited going into this thing, the prospect of all these new flavours, ingredients, cooking methods, what would I like, what would I hate...I'd never had risotto before, one of the most palatable and popular dishes world-wide...and the best my classmates could muster up was that they'd rather be in bed. I have a really really difficult time with the idea of people pursuing something they barely have any interest in. I remember giving some of my friends a hard time for rushing into college right out of high school. I can't even talk about it, it makes me furious. I'm at a point where thinking about food can keep me up at night. Getting an idea and not being able to let it ago until the thought of it is perfect.

The dinner was great, I sat with the headchef. I kind of met her personally a few weeks ago, I was having a really rough-time with some students in my group and I was basically at the breaking point of living in res, listening to noises coming through five different walls as I watch the hours tick away before I have to wake up. I went to go talk to her about the possibility of me transferring my credits to Algonquin College for my second semester, and she actually talked me through it. She told me stories about being in Europe and how she missed her boyfriend. Anyways I sat with her and we started talking about mushrooms and Anthony Bourdain and Thomas Keller and meat-butchery and I got so excited my voice actually cracked mid-sentence talking about umamis.

There are two tickets waiting at the Vancouver airport for me and Mag. On December 17th I'll be back in Ottawa for two long, quiet weeks. I need to start making a list of who to visit, damn I miss my friends.

Vote tomorrow.

River Swimming as October Nears

Kyle Cousteau pouts in frustration as his adventures are halted by the raging Nanaimo River...a frothing rapid threatens to turn this journey into a wet one.

Instead of fighting the frigid waters we dove right in. We swam here (see below) and jumped off the rocks and had all sorts of splashy fun. I almost drowned trying to get back to shore, apparently I'm a pretty weak swimmer. It was bloody cold so we warmed up with man's best friend. I hit the wine. I found this fun looking bottle at some liquor depot, I think I'll keep it and put some hippy-rocks or moon-stones or something in it, something spiritual and deep looking. Like, really bohemian and hip, ya know?





I ate far too much sugar and had a difficult time sleeping, a real pounder was ravaging my mind. We heard some critters outside and everyone was up at around 2am trying to figure out what it was, likely a mouse. I probably fell asleep around 6am as my headache dissipated and my thoughts of Mag gave birth to dreams. I was awoken by the rooster-howl that is Asher, the man is a fiery display in the morning mist. I'm surprised he ever drinks coffee, you'd think he had an IV pumping it into his veins throughout the night considering his energy in the morning. Anyhow we all took a nice stroll back down to the Nanaimo river.

I'm home now, on my 3rd coffee, with a promising remainder of day...I think pizza, chips and a few movies are in order. Even Captain Cousteau had to recharge after his adventures at sea...or, tame river as the case may be.

A Fig, Peach and Orange Vanilla Napoleon with Lemon Cookie, Diplomat Cream, and Strawberry Compote

This was my plated dessert assignment for pastry-class. There was plenty that went wrong with this dessert before I got it right...two batches of curdled pastry-cream, one batch made with baking soda instead of cornstarch, one batch of cooked juice filling with not quite cooked cornstarch, one collapsed mold, one batch of truly vile lemon-cookies, 4 rancid figs, and one sticky knapsack due to a leaky container of strawberry-kiwi juice. I'm probably forgetting some stuff too, this assignment has kept me awake in a cold-sweat for the last week, now it's done and I'm damn happy with it.

I'll have a photo of the finished product next week once the chef gets it back to me. He liked the flavour and components (once I got them right, just barely in time) but unfortunately the composition didn't completely hold together, it was slightly collapsed by the time I presented it to him. I got my end of the month mark so far, the first week I got an 88%, last week I got a 50% for missing 2 days, 20% each day, meaning I had a 90% going into it, bummer. However he told me he didn't have any criticism for me and to keep doing what I was doing. So who cares about the mark anyways?

I'm going camping tomorrow, sort of don't want to. I want a relaxing weekend and instead I get to go get drunk with a bunch of loud, snotty 17/18 year olds in the woods. They're all my friends but sometimes an old-man needs a break from rocking the cradle. I'm getting very tired of giving certain people directions and duties but today I realized not everyone has work-experience and it's not easy for everyone to look around them and see things that need to be wiped down, scrubbed, or swept up. However I also find it incredibly arrogant of some people to be able to so obviously be pretending to look busy while staring at people who actually are busy and clearly not happy about it. How is it that I can give someone a duty to do and once it's done they'll recommence their idling and actually have the gall to stare at me on my knees, scrubbing greasy equipment? I don't like being put in the role of supervisor but I refuse to be taken advantage of, it's a very very awkward situation.

Lately I lie in bed at night and consider the benefits of finishing the year at Algonquin College after my 1st semester here, but I won't. Sometimes I consider the benefits of living in a handmade shanty on Salt Spring Island and setting a honky-tonk piano loose upon the placid of the island twilight, I won't though. I consider leaving what I have now to memory and heading to San Francisco, thumb to the road, and completing my education in the back of a 45degree sweat-swamp-stink kitchen, I won't do that either. I think I've finally left my senseless spontaneity behind, maybe I used to run from time but the only way to ever get anything done is to compromise with it.

I'm super into John Wesley Harding, Nashville Skyline, and Blood On The Tracks lately. Falling off his motorcycle was the best thing that ever happened to Bob Dylan.